see man, she's having a blast.
why cant i do that? umm well as
i said before when your grandfather
dies thats a wrap on the rest of the day.
okay fine but i cant use that reason tomorrow.
wait how will i know i'll even wake? *slaps himself*
you cant talk like that or even think like that. got that?
mr. vann says im hard on myself but i dont know man. but
shut up and sing. no no no, i didnt mean to, dont cry man.
its alright. no whining to joey either man. this has to be ours.
mine. i sound crazy but heres a day in my mind. but if i keep this
mine wont i go boom? pop? well maybe if i dont keep it all in one bottle.
if i pack it into tons of bottles and throw em overboard. like secrets.
never thought of it that way. my hair is getting longish. =) and ughh =/.
i can see the stupid pocket knife on my bed. i found it under my bed. i use to keep
a pretty sharp knife under my bed but she took it away. what am i? what makes me, me? comics, joey, her, being mexican, speed and um well im not sure. im an odd kid. no one is 100% like me. and maybe thats a good thing. it is. ughhhh. i swear to god bryan. i wish i was jane from xmen and just float off the groud and burst. but that wouldnt help. im ust typing to type now. the only car with its door open is the purple lambo. kays well it goes, lambo, lambo, shelby, shelby. thats row one. row two is viper, corvette, cobra r, and lambo. row three is GTO, corvette, corvette and cobra. the stupid phone wont stop ringing. maybe im not an angel. just human. no to someone im perfect, someday again i'll click to someone like a puzzle piece. i wish i could move things with my mind like syler. i wish i could have that emo kid's powers and blow up my door but then freeze time like hiro to see the pieces. not thatd be cool huh? im trying to burie the fact that im an asshole. ughhh! no im not. im just me okay? im learning what it means to stand alone. i can, it isnt fun and its long but thats because i make it that. if i really wanted i can make these fucking days wizzz by and i can have a joker smile on this face always. i wish i could use a gun that'd shatter my mind. so it wont be whole and i can pick with state of mind im in. because me mood is like based on a wheel. like one on a game show. how knows where it'll land. but sometimes it depends on the music around me. but then why do i listen to this crap? i think its so meaningful and beautiful but idk. why cant i give happy music a try. know what? i will! hold up. kays im listening to "im blue" you know, that jumpy tune from the 90's. its 7:30. i need to shave my chin. theres a black braclet thats hard to move on my wrist, its been on there for awhile. fuck this song. to the veronias i go. i put on the song i jamed to. untouched.

" You can lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
I wanna wanna wanna get get get what I want
Don't stop
Give me give me give me what you got got
Cause I can't wait wait wait any more more more more
Don't even talk about the consequence
Cause right now you're the only thing that's making any sense to me
And I don't give a damn what they say, what they think think
Cause you're the only one who's on my mind
I'll never ever let you leave me
I'll try to stop time for ever, never wanna hear you say goodbye (bye bye bye)"

kays lets break this down. and i dont mean dance by that lol.
anyways. i think the fist part means sexx and the thrid reminds me. i dont think
i make much sense tto her. maybe to anyone. or maybe you do get me. maybe im a bitch who can live without her. that still holds on like nothing has changed. maybe i do it because im not strong enough. maybe ive never fallen for someone like this before. maybe my greatest regret was being so stupid. for not looking things over before i broke things apart. but maybe i dint break her heart. maybe thats why i can still make her smile? girls are complicated. kiss them and they might love you, they might kick you in the nuts, push you over and spit on your face, or you might just get lucky, who knows, you know how the whole high school thing works. you have no clue. but i know if im alone and i get a gun and aim it at my foot and pull the trigger that it'll hurt. and bleed and put a hole in my foot. but if your with a girl the gen could jam before you shoot and some dumbass next to you could be like what the fuck? it was working just a second ago and put it to there face and pull the trigger and BAMMM! there goes your pal johnny. its strange. girls are amazing. cant live with em, cant live without em. hahahaha sike. im the kinda guy thats owned. that wants to be with someone. i wont let myself "have fun" with other people because i know the gulit would eat away at me, from the inside out, feeding on me like a disease. and i wouldnt be able to sleep. not one bit. i know what that feels like. if you can fight getting to that point children, do it, fight. dont let yourself loose sleep over it. so dont chase what you think you can handle because you like be able to handle it or sometimes you wont be so lucky. i love you. right now my mind is in fragments, like shattered glass. but this is my own personal rebuild. like the legos. your doing okay. and thats great. wanna know something that i once cried msyelf to sleep over? its stupid but i told myself that i wish i were still the reason behind you smile. maybe i am. lets say i am, whoa..... i smiled. but i dont think thats being realistic. there will be tonnns of things that'll make you smile and i shouldnt care what those things are as long as your smiling. today really dosent feel like a friday night. i miss like im working on a piece for a news paper. all thats ever been wrong with me is all in my mind. and it can be changed, i can be a so much happyer person. but do i deserve it? youd tell me yes. or maybe not, i wont put words into your mouth, maybe like i did before. youcan lead a horse to water but cant make it drink. thats one stobborn old horse huh? drink goddamnit! kick the horse in the tush. maybe then it'll drink. push me. im the stobborn old horse. i love you. and im sorry. please forgive me for what i do, for i know not what i do. joey with amy, cat with matt. me with me. angel with angel. ugh, im gettikng sickkk of this song. gotta change it. gimme a second. im listening to a song called gallery, my mario vasquez. its amazing. listening to it in spanish. adore me? with love i can be like ironman *gigles* lol im a dork, but i can, like love to me is like the cube that powers his suit. but i am loved. adored. just wait it out silly. i will. as lame as this might sound to some i'd wait forever for her. she's worth it. and please fint say your not. to me you are. well i think ive made this long enough. im outty or not, im back for more fun. its 8:08 now. i can almost hear her laughing, almost see the huge smile on her face. they're having fun. i am too, in a way. lets my mind loose. may i just shut up and sleep? wanna? sleep? keep me safe from freddy, jason, chucky, pennywise, candyman, leatherface, micheal. i need ta lay off the horror movies. my mind is out of crontrol. like gasoline in a diseal engine. it wont stop. not even if you take the key out. not even if i sleep noe i cant escape my thoughts. i think too much. but not thinking enough can also be bad. makes a person implusive no? there for dangerous. but only to himself? no cause if he does something stupid that he wont be coming back from it'll efrect his family and friends and so on. like the foodweb kinda. right? just nod and pretend your still reading this? kiss me to make me shut up? a kiss.... i havent had one for a while. why am i crying now? what gives? oh, its the song. its coming clean by chase coy. my mind. repeating good times. and not the tv show on tv land. of her and me. the smiles, the laughs, six flags, projekt rev, pool with lindsey, roy, jen, and mikey and his little friend. my teasured memories. you cant have em! mine! you can take anything else tho, wait! i didnt mean that! the comics are off limits buddy!!! GRRRR, touch em and imma have ta put mi dukes upy! =D im a dork. love me for it? i knoww you do, its okay baby. i remember the last time i was called baby. when i walked away from the group and went to the stair well. i could see eveyone that passes behind my back by the glass. thats how i knew when you were there. you called me baby. read my mind? can you the that angel that comes up to me now and says "honey, and places her hands over my eyes, shuting my eye lids softy and saying sleep now." and some how being able to put me to sleep by just saying it? and then say thats my boy and maybe kiss my forehead like i see it in my head. my mind. my ultimate escape. i love you.