Blood feels like there's alcohol in it. Can't sleep.
Its six there. To her its her last day there. Don omar. Married to jackie g. Think I sould invite them back? Im listening to shortie like mine =D. <3333. I think mama would want to stay longer. Jen misses him. Tia's hummer is five cylinders. I didn't know that. Maybe I need to become a 18 year old. But it'd be too big of a change since im only seven. She loves me. At seven. Im thinking of listenint to staind in art class. I havnt heard this in a while sorry 2004. Well I won't go to sleep. Its like I missed the shot, its like I droped the ball. Its like im on stage and I forget the words, its like building a new house with no roff and no doors, its like trying to perpise and I aint got the ring, its like staying out at night and having way too much to drink, its like you changed your hair and I don't say a thing, its like falling fast sleep with no kiss, its like I forgot your gift on. Sleep isn't on this boy's calander. Later

Herrera out :]

Listening to the long goodbye, brookes and dunn.
Rick ross the boss. Like that song too. I liked a lot of music. I don't think she likes rap. Guess I can't see gaby tomorrow, so um I guess movie with bryan. Nadie como tu, love this songg :], later

She called.
I talked fast.
Just a dream.
Like big said.
Never change like jay said.
She likes it. I wish I just fall into sleep, slide acrioss the hood of that saleen, put the key in the ingetion, step on it, shift into gear and go somewhere new. These calls. My cabin, my cell. All coming back. Must keep happy. At least im a cute cowboy. The dualing clocks. The blue light of the wii. That dream, what seperates him from me. Greatest sin if fear. God hates a coward. Like bruce said. Fear as a disease, like roy said. Like when clair drove her car into that wall, going fast, she knew she couldn't get hurt, her bones would fix themselfs. The boy's couldn't. He nearly died. Up up and a way? Like kent? Last of his kind? But his niece. Five hundred feet, straight down, the night whipping past, tearing at his clothes, bitting deep into his skin and bring tears to his eyes. John paul valley, I see. To him he was doing what was right. Cute cowboy. Maybe even gorgeous. Maybe I should change. Never change like jay said. He's right, so is big. Im listening to a song called for you I will, teddy geiger. Axel.....no, no crying. Tears are for cowards and god hates a coward. Like bruce said? *sigh* would I be mad at him? My childhood hero? Hell..... he's still a hero of mine. Fotografia, juanes. Great song. I'll matter a lot.
Amy should look up the lyrics in english. I studder with it. Blood feels weak. Reminds me of what I wrote. About a boy shooting a shot in the air, in a crowed room. That ah boy. Bryan. Im fine now. Still missing her. I'll always be here

Lalalalalala,
Well hello there people.
I put up the superbowl pictures I got a while back.
Well two since I couldn't fine the other frame. The one of willie jumping into the promise land (end zone) and one of ben throwing the ball. Imma started reading over knightfall three again last night. Still haven't touched a man who laughs. Don't know why. I see it as gaby's. Joey and I talked about the BET awards yesterday. Im thinking of the dream in gotham I had. I wish I could have it again or just be in the city in one dream. I think imma take out my circus dude outta the water. Jen is still sleeping. So is mother. And its 12:14. Well like mother was awake for a little. I like this song by maroon five and riannah. Jen is up. I can hear music. My left arm just cracked. Like that arm jams all the time. You'll see. I wonder what I put in the trunks of the other cars. Imma look. Goosebumps. The whole like eight side of my room is like well not all but there's a lot of yellow. That reminded me of how at mom's art show ther was a blanket and you said it reminds you of the steelers logo. Im thinking of the cool batarang at the mall. The black one. Now im thinking of when terry like throw a batarang. Looks cool. Talking to mike is weird. Well ummmmmm I cut my nails :/ now there's nothing to like bite on. Ummm ummm. Hmmmmm. Bye?

Calinaaa,
Kick it freestyle.
Or give me a dope beat, imma become a dope mc when I grow upy :p jk. We'll I don't think could like be with you guys on the fourth. Father works friday and saturday and mother won't bring me most likely? But who knows since she likes you.

Axel here,
Ace nobody.
Naw im someone.
I am. I've been listening to three days grace for hours.
I think it'll come back. Yesterday I went a lot of places with my aunt and uncle. There won't be an other one just like me. Like jay said. Joey has summer school and work. Great for me huh?!? *sigh* its okay. We talked over IM, joey and I. Jen's mother won't let me go to mexico now? Im lost. Father says I can but she says I can't. Uncle joe is coming on saturday. Im not in the best of moods. Like sad and mad? I can't find my cell phone charger. I think its been like a year and a hlaf since I've gone back. Jen's their favorite kid no? Who cares if 1500 people I died there since 1/8? I shouldn't have said that. Forgive me. But I miss them. No, I can't cry. I have a red bandanah around my neck like a cowboy, I want a yellow one but I don't know where to find one. Babe? Can I say I told you so? Well I told you that soccor is a beaner sport. Mostly brazilans. They win the cup all the time. If you lend me an ear I could tell you the name of the player of scored the winning goal for spain. I screamed and like tackled jen when they won. Jen says I was too into a lame sport and it wasn't even my flag, my country. Yuri and I were happy for our fellow beaners. Babe can I be a cowboy today? But who's gonna play cowboys and indians with me? :[. The ear part reminded me of how maya's ears are like mine. Im looking at the ground im standing on like its gonna give way. That reminds me of when you said I walk on like the front part of my feet. I do. Roy has a new girlfriend. Can't believe he's eighteen now. In collage. I want his email address. Just told mother that I miss my family and she said she dosent care. My father's and mother's family's have never liked one an other. I would write why but I won't. If you want to know than well maybe ask. Im watching the nfl channel. The pats vs the giants is on. She'd say "lighten up hun" yeah she would. I'll be okay. See now im fine. Thanks catalina <3

Babe, imma at friendly's con mi tio and mi tia. This place reminds me now of when we had fun at the mall. Loads of things remind me of things's we've done together. I hope spain wins, cause imma beaner and if germany wins everyoneee will be like drunk and happy and spazzzingggg. And well I just worry that you won't be watching the game at home so like something might happen? Idk babe just three more days. I wonder if your like damnnn just three more days here or if you wanna come back. Guess I didn't babysit but its okay. Gaby's back, she'll name her cause calina won't be there for a few more days. Axel and his ahh *sigh* cant think of it. Later <3

Night catalina,
Well morning for you.
<3 you, *kisses your forehead*

Can't think of the dream,
Just like big said. Never change, just like jay said.
Tomorrow we go to new hamp. I can't spell the rest.
Its ten where you are cat. Just a dream. All in my head right babe? Right? You'd say yes. Here waiting babe, bryan

Hey people,
Imma with mi tia,
Im sleeping in the guest room. Its awesomeeee. Babe some girl had on your like same green dc's and I was just like *sighhh* thought to mysellf that I can wear yours and well its almost seven there, its 12:55 here. Just know that im always thinking of you babe, kay? Amy said your doing the same and want to see me as bad as I wanna see you, it like blewww my mind, I didn't think of that sorta, told amy she was thinking outside of the box. Im not the sharpest tool in the shed. Well just six more days, bye people, axel out

today on the way ho,me father, the guys and i ate byt the like ocean.
i had a burrito babe. it was really pretty, the view, lol not the burrito, good tho.
it was all a dream just like big said it'd be right? well im beat. sleep well *kisses your forehead*

Wanna my lolipop?
I gotbit at the tennis place (usta) its yellow and I liked it, you wanna share mine babe? You should be sound asleep. Imma working with my dad today, kinda fun. Wonder what you did today. Hope your having fun, just like not too many days away. Wonder if you'd be like I am when im away. Who knows. Well its kinda like that now right baby? Like we are apart. Well not really but ah *sigh* you get what I mean mate. Over and out

Going to bed with an empty tummy, im going to work with father tomorrow. Should be fun. Later people and I have like amy as a reader! :p your like the one one besides calina that reads me words

Jason's texting me,
Guess he wants to do something, we'll see how the day ends. The beat to emily is in my mind. Hunger, there's a lot of food around but I feel gross when I eat. Its like that saying when your lost at sea..... "water, water all around but none to drink" I heard some germans once went mad by giving into thirst. They drank sea water and they drank it and drank it, when you start and can't stop and the more you drink the more you want it. And its so bad because the salt drys you from the inside out and you just chug it..... feel like I just wasted time taking about water. But its summer so I have all the time in the whole wide world. Its already the end day there, its 8:19 now so its 2:19 there. My hair is super soft and stirght,.... well I guess imma go to the little playground at the high school or washington part. Would you be okay with me walking there at this time babe? I'll be careful, won't come home too tooo late. Bye, bryan 13

hey

Days seem to last like running a marathon with bare feet (forever)

so damn boredddd

Thinking of the day we had in the mall, mom didn't say anything about us holding hands huh? She say anything when we left? I've been watching man vs wild on youtube for like an hour and a half. I meant I like it but imma so boredddddddd. I wonder if you caled anyone else. That one part of "note to self" is stuck in my mind. I wonder what your passport picture looks like. Im day dreaming of "my saleen". Babe? I watched so much man vs wild that if you threw me in the wild I'd live like yearrrr. Save me from this bordommm. O_o

family

Hahahahaha, jojo is over and her boy is going to cali, she talked and were like why can't people just have family down the street? But nooooo they have to be at least 2500 miles away :/. Bryan here, going on two days, I feel like imma talkin like a survile man person waking to be recused

hunger....

Not feelin it much,
Make up, makes me like
No. Im already gorgeous to her, that's all that matters

"Note to self:
I miss you terribly.
This is what we call a tragedy.
Come back to me, come back to me, to me.
Note to self:
I miss you terribly.
This is what we call a tragedy.
Come back to me, back to me, to me."

Hey!, yeah you!! you'd never guess who called

she called meee,
spain, i hope they win,
imma megaaaaa proud of my blood.
bright blue pants, bammm reminds me of jay's neon
green pants. i guess you dont want me to buy the other covers of
a death in the fam. father is gonna get me a passport so i can go home,
but do i need one since imma mexican citizan? idk but looks like my uncle joe
and roy and gonna fly down and then we are gonna drive all the way back home.
everyone moves on the day of gaby's birthday. nooo cant black out, imma like try
to sneek one drink. note to self..... like that song. video is so sad. *slaps himself* kay im okay, just taken em as they come bry, one day at a time. imma like get the same laptop as mom so like when im in mexico i wont be far. it'll be like a 2nd sidekick huh? idk. gotta keep busy, like tio manny, over and out...

rest in peace <3

Baby!

Imma babysit for lia, maya and carlos saturday! :D I think you'd be happy if I did well, imma be real close to lia, I have no choice. Im happyyy :D mom called to tell mayalla (still can't spell) but she called because the kids wanted this super good mexican soda and well my mother knows where to get it. Maybe gaby will help? Who knows I wanna make you proud :]

from where you are

Hey people?
No one reads this but whatever, I don't need epople to. This is day one of catalina in germany, black yellow and red. Jen like let me see an email tu tia send her. I think going to german would be like time travel, like since its six hours ahead. And going back to my home is going back in time since its two hours back, but when my cousin manny texts his text travels through time? Idk. Take it one day at a time dude, this shouldn't be hard, like we use to sing.... say it. Take it each day as it comes, don't try to think of the next, do that and it'll hit you hard in the jaw and screw you. Well I've been singing a lot of lifehouse, from where you are, everything, storm. I don't know if I should talk to mom while your gone? Naw like she's alone no? Like she's the only one in the house. Maybe itd feel nice talking to someone even if its just her daughter's kid boyfriend. S281 saleen, that's the car I want, a 2002 or 2003 or 2004. I want 204 but they all look the same. I just want the 2004 cause its the newest of its bodystyle and I don't want it to have TOO many miles on it. Mi tia has surgery today. Naw dude don't think like that. I know she's thinking of me just as much as I am thinking of her, if not more. Her trip may vary be the trip of her life. Just spaced out for a little. Emily won't get back to me but its okay, I think jason knew I was bumed about her leaving so he told me I can call and he'd pick me up just to make sure I was okay. I don't want to eat. I just reached over to my nightstand and got the picture that hung in my locker. I'll be okay. Its not forever and its just for like a little. She's be back in a blink of an eye, right? Right?!... *sigh* a hell of a long blink. Naw but it will be okay. Everything will, just like she says. Father is mad at me? I called your cell to maybe reach gaby but no luck. So I left a voice mail. I think im annoying amy. Hey I finished the two face comic, I wore a white dc on my right foot and my black one on my left and wore fingerless gloves like the same colors. Maybe gaby rubed off me a little? :], mama amy isn't good at reading my mind. I just to amy to tell me a story, she asked why and I said cause you would. Ima lame, calina would say "no your not, your mine " <3 I didn't go to bed untill like four, on and off. Sam left at like oneish today. Jen and sam wouldn't shut up. I love you catalina. Well if mi tia wouldn't mind having a seven year old for a day then imma stay over there. I hung up the photo mom gave me, the one of you jumping, I think my eyes are closed, like I took the one one down and put the new on my my push board. The old one is on top of my desk. Catalina could read my mind. Amy says she knows I miss you but I didn't even say it in this convo. She says se knows I miss you because I always do when your not around. True. I think its the same for you babe. Maybe someday you'd show me germany? Well imma read over some comics. Im thinking of you a lot, gaby, when I called your father dad and asked if I could tag along, when I gave mom a hug on the 16th. Of how you said you like loaded up your ipod with pictures of me and how you came to say goodbye. Later hun, (see I even got later from you) <3 love always, bryan 13

hey em,
looks like she's gonna be away for
a widdle while. i have this one state of mind on so i
will be fine. i feel so stupid babe, i hope that'd read this all the away across sea. sam is sleeping over today, joey and i called alot of people and left funny voicemails. i still wish ou would have taken two face. mama? i dont wanna be jealous no more, kay? i feel like a little kid, like lia. jen's mother dosent want mew to to home but i will. she says its too dangerous. when did she start faring? mama tell me how things are? she says you didnt eat alot. did you like being with my sister and her mom? i know i will sleep well because you were there, i LOVE the picture mom made or like prited of us. imma drive to mexico with my uncle joe and just fly back.you dont mind it that i call you mama right babe? you were worryed of your two boya in the trees? sorry well its a gu thing i guess babe. i liked being around them, i think they like me alot. maya seems to, carlos like loves me lol and lia adores you. well imma read the comic mom gave me, mom, catalina <3 hope your trip is safe and just fun ma <33 bryan

When your given the choice to sit it out or dance, i hope you dancd

hey everyone,
how are you?

well its raining,
i dont like it when it rains in the morning.
the past two days have been great, we had so much fun on saturday,
we babysat for maya, carlos and lia. maya was the easyest one beacause she's the eldest and like can just read or online and be okay. i was with carlos for alot of the time, we climed trees, watched batman and just like had fun. lia the littest one had something wrong with her ear and she would just cry at random times ;(. after calina gave her the meds to hhelp she fell asleep. thats what meds to to kids, knock them out. in ww2 they would give the baby's a tiny bit of meds of like beer because it made them to to sleep and when silance is all you have to stay alive then you gotta do what isnt right all the time no? sunday she was tired, we ta;lked about like everything, i learned alot. at times it really ggot to me but she made it okay.
maybe i'll get that prayers someday. my best friend jopey hasnt been picking up his ohone or calling me, not sure to it, im use to talking to him for hours untill the phone dies. we'd talk about rap, when he get older, like what we'd do. what our jobs would be and just alot. and my girl as you all know should know beacuase im bitching about it is leaving tomorrow for germany. ten days. im telling her to live it up and just enjoy every second of it because its not everyday that you go to europe. im playing a game called raft wars now, just to be doing something, kepp the mind busy. mom was right, just write from the heart and edit later. guess she sdaid she does the "corrections" while she writes. just it it out and flow. hey i gotta go. <3 13

21/6/8

So far this has neen like thee best day of summer, cat and I had a blastttt. Like babysitting was kinda fun but also a touch job. Lia kept crying I felt bad for her but after she fell asleep it was all okay. Thanks for showing me like the comic book store babe <33 the mall and funnn. I felt close, still do, feel like your right here next to me. Well its late like 11:18 and imma take a showerrr. I'll blog later people. <3 bryan

ummmm

On the caller id, it said heartford greater....... like isn't that the first few words of her school? Naww. Naw dude don't even think of it. Kay well im laying on my bed, listenint to anytime. The ac has been on for a few hours so when you walk in you can feel a huge change. I want to talk to her but I think im truely like annyong her. Idk I just like don't understand? Naw it dosent amtter at all. Im thinking of japan's suicide cliff. Oh I need to add more water to my circus guy. Me mate won't leave. I feel it. Like if she did I'd be like someone adopting a seven year old. But those are just silly thoughts my mama loves me =] that made me smile. Jen's in the other room watching charmed. I was in a chatroom with amy, yuri, becca, victoria, and ian and vu for a bit. Kinda fun. Babe what's it that I can't get my mind off you, and no its not that I wanna, see imma a step ahead. Like your always on my mind, not a second that you aren't, and no people im not trying to be chessey or kiss ass like I mean it. I think its the same with you, well you told me beofre so Its true. Now im listening to break away. Its almost six. Well six minuites till six. I look over at my helment, in two days. When I crossed the street after you were done making your shirt I looked at the road. Thought this is one of the "back roads" that id love to speed by on. But no. You'd slap me around a bit if I did :p right babe? I'll be driving in no time. What's on my mind you say? How lia only kissed you, and when some guy halled ass down your road once and I stoped to hear and you hit me. When you like picked me up in the pool. Tuesday I I felt like you were my best friend. The day gaby felt like family. The time at the dance where you thought I just wasn't blinking, when we layed on my bed talking waiting for your father to pick you up. The hug and how I said like what you tell me. How sometimes I feel maybe to attached? But everythiong feels so right. How I said that i won't be use to you being away, it'll be like a little kid missing his mom, everyday is a lifetime to them. Now that reminds me of gaby and how she said if you like hide your face to a little kid that your like gone and yet that reminds me of how easly gaby was fooled. Thre too much babe? Well im out, <3

a shower is what i needed to blow some steam.
now imma fine. told myself she would have slaped me and said baby,
everything will be okay, hahah then she would mess up my hair and maybe kiss me.
plus this is different, like i feel like we arent like other couples. like hear me out people, wait hold that thought i gotta get a towel. okay bryan's back, now anywho like i feel that like her family thinks and hell knows that she's gonna keep me around for a long time if i play my cards right, just be real. like i feel like they have welcomed me into their family. i think they like really care. but yet again they care about like all our their daughter's friends. wait i gotta make my point. like i feel like she's my best friend, like she said this morning, she left before i would senfd it out tho. but baby youtr like the closetest person i have. you know me in and out. you kinow all 67 1/2 inches of this salazar boy. you know what gets to me, you know how to like make me want something. you know what you have to do to like make me feel something. and like we can just crash on the floor and watch kiddy shows =p. you let me fall asleep on your tummy, your the girl that keeps me up thinking of you, wondering whats on your mind, your the girl that speeds up my heartbeat, your the one that like fills my heart with TNT and like stops it dead for a good reason. catalina you mean everything to me and i hope you know that. yeah i know you do, my girl's smart. im always here and i plan on being here for a hell of a long time babe. no leaving, we can talk about anything and work it out. i know we can, like before. well i guess this is goodbye for now. and for you readers a little peace of advice, everything will be okay. like no matter what happends to you, no matter how bad, in time you'd be rewarded for holding it out. love bryan <3

Scream with me,
Yeah spin the beat…….

After one leaves there wont be an other one like them,
Not every detail, like hov said right? Yeah right. Everything will be fine dude.
There isn’t anyone like you. If she leaves then its her lost. But I adore her. I don’t want to be alone, I feel so attached to her. I use to be mad, I got rid of it thought. Like I remember wanting to get the people who laughed at me back. But it wasn’t me. I let that part of me go, it was worthless, like hate. Reminds me of something I wrote. That someone week wants to be like recognized, he wants to stand out, stop em dead. Be known for something. And like he tries and tries so hard but doesn’t. He thinks by having something powerful he can make them know him. Like shooting a gun in a crowed room, people can help but to stop whatever the hell they are doing and stop and look where the blast came from… your gun. Right? Like jay said? Jealousy is a female trait. I should be better than that.. well she leaves on Tuesday the 24th, sucks for me and for the people around her. Hey its cool how the th went all little at the 24. see I don’t need much to like entertain me. Like the dueling clocks in jen’s office. Gaby leaves today. Im thinking of Emily played without words on guitar. Sounds so peaceful.. heartbeat is slower now. Reminds me of the hulk. He cant do like things that will make it go up or else he goes green. Man screw back on holding on. This is like my blog and its meant to like put thoughts on or whatever. I don’t like these little fights. Middle school drama shit. Like its not like the people that these fights are going on with are even close to me, they wouldn’t even know my birthday. Shows how much they know. So quit your bitching. There’s two people and they should know how they are. But its not like one even reads my blog to maybe this is a waste of time. But yet again im home alone for an other five hours so I have nothing else to do. Im thinking of the movie called “stay alive” and Phineus sees Abigail and says hey mama. Too bad he dies. I member the sday when jen, nigel and lindsey went to go see it. Nigel liked the name phineus. Fact: I keep my movie tickets in the hoods of my cars. And in the bradshaw helment. Dude she loves you. I know like she’ll miss me when she’s gone. Not to sound cocky, to be real. I must keep busy I cant stay in this house and do nothing but think of her. It’ll drive me crazy. You know what I mean right readrrs. Ahhh like I am know, I feel like far, father and I are going riding with kurt and his son. That should be an aweome way to just let things out,. I wanna talk to you em but I think I like anny people like like texting,. People are busy on the beaches, on vaction with theit familes, too busy to pick up their cells. Well im sure theres people like me that arent doing jack. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love you catalina. Jen wrote on her board that im whiped. Dad and I cant find the pink slips to the qquafds. Im looking over at the brick (my cell0 and it’s a green light so I have nothing new. Joey’s working back at the gas place near micky d. lisa works there too. I wonder that brandon dies though. I have to man the fuck up, I wonnt be seeing her and that’s ookay, I love her she loves me. Good. Now im kay. Well I guess imma take a shower. Hahaha nowthat reminded me of gaby. Anywho later

Spin that fat beat

well im singing along to emilt the toyshop remix =)
so the real emily makes me like sad and this one makes mee happpyyy,
im like screaming it now. i can be her best friend too ,3 that hope i feel. like i like how be agure. well not really but ti think it's good for us. like you know. i love us tho. that reminds me of gaby and how she writes i love me. i think imma hit the michines down staris soon. i wanna download this remix to play on the 360, gotta pull up limewire,. she reminded me so much of a mom yesterday. lia ahahaha she didnt know what i was saying and she said something about bad kitty. carlos is cool he gives me hugs, hey even maya does. sister and mother left. the 34 the leaves. i think i'll be okay if i think of how like mom `thought? having him alway for a year. everything will be okay. well imma go now,. peace

















13

hey em,
you okay?
ahhh now i dont gfeel like i can say things here....
babe you like havent been on all day but yeah i guess its kay.
im home alone so i turned the music up super loud and its of this dude playing emily without words. later..... i picked that up from you cat <33

thoughts I guess people

Well I believe it will be hard on all of us, john, emily and I. I mean you are there best friends. Mine too. Im just throwing my thoughts out there, naw..... I don't want to start something that might blow up because someone sees it incorectly. Theme of my room? I want to say there's four, batman, pittsburgh (pirates and steelers) cars, and you. I was gonna spill my thought out here but I guess jen scared me whenbshe knocked on my dorr just now. Well I guess I will write what I think on my journal thingy on my phone, you know the password, later poeple

Hey blog

its the seventeenth.
of june. my baby leaves on the 22nd and
i know it will be hard for me. im just not use to being away from here,
not even when we ewere on vacation it was thaqt long, you can say that im going over board because its just ten days. just. gab leaves on friday, i wonder if she's going on the plane alone too.to be honest i dont really like the idea of you going all the way to germany by yourself. i mean i know your use to it because you went to california alone beofr, two years ago. i think you had fun going out to get ice cream with my family. i hated cutting the grass that day, i lost like joey's keys and now i think he's mad at me, damn. she's started packing today. but its only wendsay babe, only wensday. i watched charmed with jen, she wont tell me why everyone dosent like chris..... i wonder whats on your mind. im on it. as your on mine. im listening to lifehouse. from where you are. it reminds me of how i know i will feel when your across sea, kai. i just pulled oput a map of the world, i could be wrong but it looks like germany is only a tad but farther than from here to cali. mabye its the same time if you were to leave from maine to cali. i think it;ll be a 11 or 12 hour light wait no in all with the waits at top about 16ish. guess you dont have room for a 5'7 boy in your stuff. cloud going? bryan salazar herrera. i think it sounds nice. herrera was my grandmother's last name before she got marryed to my grandfather. well im gonna go look at stuff. and to you people, my readers, everything will be okay, i promise

Heyyy! Yeah you!
How are you? Imma talking to mom, she says she's video chating with dad. Cool huh?
Video chatting seems tooo like farout for bryan, hahaha far out, what is it the 70's? Well our achool building was hell's ovan today, and i wouldn't like to hear from you mlc kids that hahahaha we have ac all year long :p that kinda stuff. Joey and I got wet as hell, like we jumped in a pool, we went to the dollor store and a whole bunch of stuff we didn't need, funnnn. Music, music music,, babyyy dance with me <3 well I'd tell ya all about today later children, imma beat,

Kenny ChesneyThere Goes My Life

Music Video Codes By Music Jesus.com

My readers! =D

You guys still read this?
Yeah sorry its been a while.
How are you guys? And girls lol im not sexist :p . Just six days of school left, and kids I madeee it, I was sooo happy when mrs.ryan told me. June sixth was lia's birthday partyy, she's so little and cute, when I left with dad she gave me a hug and kissed me. It made me feel soooo like warm inside and just smile. I said "dad, dad! Can I come too?" I tag along with my dad whenever I can so like when he left it just like came nateral. Not that I wanted to leave you guys, :D I picked the same house you liked. Hmmmm, this song called take me with you is good. I was like kinda taken back tho, they has a prettyyy house, luike how they have lia's carlos's maya's hand prints right by eachother, their babypictures too. And they like had a play room, crazyyy huh? Well to me it was, not in a bad way tho not at all, like my parents were new to this country and they couldn't like get us a fraction of the toys they had, parents had to work so we were with mi tia a lot, and gave us anything we laid our eyes on. She's such a sweet woman. Love her. I wanna be able to give my children something like lia's parents gave their children. Imma lookin at the batman logo covering tony's face. Now that made me think of the worksheet I gave you, the one where I said that my like measuring stick is bruce wayne, batman. Cause he has no powers, he dose it all to fofill a promise he made many years ago. Call me foolish but I wouldn't care. Miss b says its good that im like learning through him. Mom is awake, jen isn't, imma listening to te quiero. It means I care about you, and well it can also mean I love you. You already knew what it ment by reading it right babe? Goshh babe I love you so muchh, I'd hug you if you were close enough. <3333. You've filled the spaces between my fingers and the dark holes I thought were endlessly deep. Its 11 now babe. Imma get ready just incase there any plans. Later readerss, keep your chin up (always) bryan

fuckkkkkkkkkkkk
how are you going to be homeless joey!!!
wtfff, now im gonna worry about your ass.
slept in the woods?

on a lighter note mom thinks yyoull look awesome at the dance.

i love you baby

Chorus: Dido

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

1st Chorus: volume gradually grows over raindrop background
2nd Chorus: full volume with beat right after "thunder" noise

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Scam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Ruckus too, that shit was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan

{Chorus: Dido}

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fuckin idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in Denver - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither;
he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan -- P.S.
We should be together too

{Chorus: Dido}

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans,
this'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy
and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped +ALL+ of your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Slim; {*screaming*} Shut up bitch! I'm tryin to talk!
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk
but I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you
cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this shit out?
{*car tires squeal*} {*CRASH*}
.. {*brief silence*} .. {*LOUD splash*}

{Chorus: Dido}

[Eminem]
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
and here's an autograph for your brother,
I wrote it on the Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that shit just clownin dogg,
c'mon - how fucked up is you?
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine
if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Stan
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
and had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
and in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was.. it was you
Damn!


Stan" is a fictonal story of a fan who is obsessed with Eminem and writes to him but doesn't receive a reply. The first three verses are delivered by Stan, while the fourth verse is Eminem responding to Stan, only to realize that he has heard about Stan's death on the news as he was writing to him.

In the first verse, Stan is writing to Eminem for the third time, hoping his hero will write back. He explains the level of his devotion ('I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man) and maintains that Eminem 'must not have got 'em', his previous two letters. In addition, the song "Old World Disorder" is referenced as the "underground shit that you did with Skam." Stan also reveals that his girlfriend is pregnant, and that he is going to name his daughter Bonnie (a reference to Eminem's song "'97 Bonnie and Clyde" from The Slim Shady LP), and sympathizes with the suicide of a family member ('I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry/I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him'). Despite Stan's optimism, the menacing beats, Dido's haunting voice in the background that creates a effective recussion, intermittent thunder and rainfall, and the background music keeps the mood dark and ominous.

In the second verse, Stan is clearly frustrated. He begins somewhat optimistically but begins to lose his temper by the second line ('I ain't mad - I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans). The thunder in the background has grown steadily more constant and louder, particularly at some of the more chilling lines in the song. The verse also establishes Stan's deteriorating sanity: 'Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds/It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me'. Stan mentions his little brother, Matthew, who Stan imagines is an even bigger fan of Eminem than Stan himself. Stan is bitter because Eminem had supposedly refused to give Matthew an autograph at a concert, after waiting in the 'blistering cold' for four hours. Stan explains why he identifies with Eminem ('I never knew my father neither/He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her'). He ends his letter with 'Sincerely yours, Stan/P.S. we should be together too.'

The third verse is Stan rapping into a tape recorder in the car he is about to drive off a bridge. His words are slurred, and he is clearly under the influence of depressants, as evidenced by the line, "I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy." His pregnant girlfriend can be heard screaming in the trunk (albeit gagged), and the rain and thunder are loud and insistent. Stan, enraged, addresses Eminem as "Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans". He explains his predicament: "I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway/Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?" (quoting "My Name Is" on the previous Eminem album, The Slim Shady LP). This is followed by a reference to a Phil Collins song "In the Air Tonight," misquoting it as "In the Air of the Night." Specifically, Stan refers to an urban legend that the song is about Collins seeing a man drowning, while a closer bystander does nothing to save him. Screaming is heard and Stan reveals that his pregnant girlfriend is in the trunk suffocating "Thats my girlfriend screaming in the trunk/But I didn't slit her throat I just tied her up," once again referencing Eminem's song "'97 Bonnie and Clyde" in which Eminem implies that he had slit his wife's throat before putting her in the trunk and dropping her off in a lake ("And don't worry about that little booboo on her throat/It's just a little scratch, it don't hurt/Her was eatin' dinner while you were sleepin' and spilled ketchup on her shirt/Mama's messy, ain't she/We'll let her wash off in the water"). Stan vents, revealing the depths of his anger: "I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it/And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it/I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me", while a montage shows him ripping all his posters of Eminem down and smashing his television. At the end, Stan realizes too late he will be unable to send the tape to Eminem. A car crash then follows. In the live Grammy performance of the song, Eminem changed the first line "can't sleep" to "go to sleep". This corrected what was likely an error on the album track due to Eminem's avoidance of "punch-ins", or recording over any mistakes in a verse.

The fourth verse is Eminem's belated reply to Stan. He begins casually "Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy." He also says he sends a cap with his autograph for Matthew, and reveals something of his serious and sober side with his advice for Stan: "You got some issues Stan/I think you need some counseling" and "I really think you and your girlfriend need each other/or maybe you just need to treat her better". He further explains in his letter that he had seen a similar story on the news which scared him, about a disturbed man who killed himself and his pregnant girlfriend. The song ends with Eminem's realization of what has happened; Stan was the man on the news ("... in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to/Come to think about it, his name was... it was you. Damn."), and then a sudden clash of thunder and lightning. In the music video, the lightning strike illuminates a split-second image of Stan's face staring in through a window at his former idol.