Bear blog

This must be how a soilder feels, being away from his life back home. So first I could relate to the drug addict and now a soilder. How can I? Im just a silly middle school boy, nothing more, and well maybe less. Can someone thicken my air, make it so I can inhale it. I swear I'll return the favor. Emily never got back to me, was surprised but its okay. Really. In these last weeks days I've gotten to learn how that bryan is. The one that needs no one. I think it hurts him to have no one to turn to. He has too much pride to cry, too much that he can't shallow it. I feel like I can put myself into people's shoes well. Im trying to put myself in harvey's shoes. What I heard can't be true right? No.... I keep fliping my coin. In my mind I've lined one all my sides, I've taken a shot at them and see what they do, I looked one straight in the eyes, turned my back to him and just when he could breath I punched him in the gut. He fell. I need stronger, this one guy said I take harder shit from him than you. So I punched his jaw, it turned his head sideways, then he punched me too. Spat out the blood and a tooth, laughed. Proud? I guess I do have a back bone. I can be soft but where has that gotten me? Many places but in the real world the weak can't survive right? I want to cry but I just can't. Today I went to franks, chris made me laugh so hard that my tummy hurt. =). I miss my girls. You guys know that right? I love you both, but there's one only that wins me over. That is you, miss mckay. (Catalina) I have watched so much batamn that if you were to look into these eyes's you'd see bats. Reminds me of when dr. Strange used that tthing to go into bruce's mind, he saw the death of the waynes, and saw a young boy fall through the ground, falling, into a cave, the sight of bats. He knew he was batman. I guess I won't be getting a call. Im not going to lie, I am some what disapointed. I heard more of your voice when I was talking to john. Wait you called me, or did I call you? I didn't hear your goodbye so I kept talking untill my phone told me..... I felt stupid, crushed. The time and date at this moment add up to 23. Ha. I feel like a hardend person, crush this shell. "If I knew where to look to find happiness, I'd gather my things and more next to it" im scared. Yet I feel fearless. Tell me what I want, tell me what I need. Please. Now its ten. I just looked away from my screen. Darkness. It ate everything. I couldnt see. My words seem worthless. Anyone out there? Since when am I bryan. Bryan, I don't like this name. I took on my name because It got harder and harder to answer to a name that wasn't mine. I lost him. I sound crazy. Dear god, help me. I can't let this happen to me again, I didn't see a thing, I swear! But I did. It scared the living hell out of me. If I start acting funny.... you might want to think of someone else. Last time I couldn't handle it. I had to leave it all behind. Maybe not this time around. Maybe I can fight it, not get eaten. Maybe, hope. Everyone just longed on. I don't want to talk to a soul. Well im talking to amy. My girl is asleep, in her own bed for the first time in days. Im burning up under these covers. My heart is racing. Hold me. No, I can't handle myself, may I hold you? That I can handle. Ladies and gents, it was lovley talking to you, but I must go, duty calls..... duty calls